Breakdown

I am so glad to be going home tomorrow.

I feel like any minute I’m going to have a breakdown.  These past few days have been non-stop stress and I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally.  I think I’ve only gotten 4-5 hours of sleep a night for the past few weeks.  I just can’t sleep.  I try to go to bed at a decent time, but I just end up laying in my bed for hours thinking about everything.  I’ve tried listening to meditations, but I still end up getting sidetracked by all of my thoughts.  Working out does not help and I even cut out caffeine. It doesn’t matter how tired I am, I still can’t sleep.

 I am so stressed out about finals.  My first final is a week from tomorrow, and I feel like I don’t know anything at all.  I’m going to try to go to the library at lunch tomorrow and make copies of practice problems and print the outlines that I have completed already.  I’ve completed outlines for my first two finals, so at least I have that done. 

I finished packing tonight, but I still have to get up early tomorrow to gather up the rest of my things and put gas and oil in my car.  I’m heading out of town right after class tomorrow, so I need to have everything done before then.  I’m kind of nervous about driving so late at night, especially right before Thanksgiving.  I’m used to driving home late at night because all year I’ve driven up to see Phil every weekend, and I’d have to drive all night to get there.  I’m nervous, though, because I’ve been so exhausted lately and the traffic during Thanksgiving is always really bad. I’d drive up on Wednesday, but I know the traffic will be much worse the day before Thanksgiving. I was even contemplating staying here for the week, but I know I need to see my family and Phil’s family, just for my sanity’s sake.  I hope everything will be ok.

I’ve also been stressed out because the other wife, hereinafter Wife 1, is still causing a lot of drama.  Apparently, one of the other guys called his wife, hereinafter Wife 2, the other day and said that the guys have been fighting about this stupid nonsense.  Phil hadn’t mentioned it to me and I hadn’t told him what was going on, so when wife 2 told me that the guys were fighting about it, I was obviously confused.  Like I said, Phil wasn’t even aware of the situation, as far as I knew.  I told Wife 2 this, and I guess she texted Wife 1, who told her that I was the one who told Phil about it.   Wife 1 told Wife 2 that I told Phil and he confronted Wife 1’s husband about it, and he told her. That’s obviously a lie. 

 Ugh… I just wish this girl would just stop with the drama.  I am not concerned about it anymore.  I apologized to her and tried to make things right.  That’s all I can do and I’m not going to waste any more time dealing with her drama.  She can accept that and move on or not. She can like me or not. I don’t care anymore.  I did what I could to make amends.  Her causing drama with the guys, though, is another story.  They are in Afghanistan.  They need this stupid drama even less than I do.

Anyways, when I talked to Phil today, I mentioned what Wife 2 said about the guys fighting, and he had no idea what she was talking about.  He didn’t know about any of it, and got mad that “the girls” are causing all this drama.  I wish I wouldn’t have mentioned it now because I don’t want to be included with “the girls.”  I am not the one causing any of this drama.  I don’t know if he was mad at me.  I hope not.  I have not tried to cause any drama, which is the main reason I didn’t say anything, in the first place, to Wife 1 about her original offensive comment.  I didn’t want there to be any drama.  I just wish she’d drop it.  It doesn’t really matter whether she likes me or not.  Our job right now is to support our soldier and make things easier for him, not make things more difficult. 

Ughhhh…. All of this is so stupid to me.  I hope Phil sees that I haven’t done anything to cause any of this nonsense.  He still doesn’t’ know what happened because I’m not worried about it and he doesn’t need to either.  It’s stupid. 

*Sigh* Did I already say that I’m so glad to be going home tomorrow?