So, I started my day today crying in the bathroom at school before my criminal procedure class. You always know it’s going to be a good day when you have to be on time for class and are trying to pull yourself together, but the tears refuse to stop coming. This was my morning.
My breakdown happened all because of my stupid iPod. Five minutes from school, the battery died. I was a bit annoyed, but merely switched to my favorite country radio station. Everything was ok at first, as the final few minutes of “My Kinda Party,” by Jason Aldean, played. Then, a new Carrie Underwood song came on the radio. It was a song about a girl who went to the church in her wedding dress for the funeral of her soldier who’d died in the war. The lyrics went something like, “why’d you have to leave, I was counting on forever with you.” I only listened to maybe 45 seconds of the song, but that was too much. I broke down crying as I pulled into the school’s parking lot. I sat there crying for a few minutes, but I was afraid I’d be late to class, so I tried to pull myself together as much as possible.
I threw on my huge sunglasses to hide my tears and made a beeline for the women’s restrooms. It’s never professional to show up to class crying. One of my classmates came in, while I was in the restroom, trying to stop crying enough to salvage my make-up. I don’t know her very well, but we’ve had classes together in the past. This summer we took a seminar class together in which we wrote research papers. She wrote about provincial reconstruction trams in Iraq because she was in the Army and is an Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran. She knew about Phil’s deployment because I mentioned it when I presented my topic to the class (which was about maternal mortality in Afghanistan and the United States’ obligation to help under international law). My classmate, Trista, talked to me for a few minutes and helped me feel better. Writing about that song, even now, still makes me cry. :’(
On the bright side, Phil and I did chat on Facebook today. We didn’t get to talk long, but it was still good to hear from him. He’s been so busy lately. It feels like he’s mad at me, but I know that he’s not and I’m just being irrational. I guess I just have to get used to not hearing from him every day. I miss him so much.
I sent him some pictures and a card today and am going to send him the Taylor Swift CD tomorrow. He’ll like that. I hate thinking that he’s sad or bored or lonely over there. It always makes me feel good to send him things. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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