The end of this deployment journey is finally coming to a close, and I can’t even put into words the emotions I’m feeling.
I am so happy and excited that soon I will finally be in the arms of the man I love again. It still doesn’t feel real. This has been such a long, difficult journey. I don’t think I’ve been truly living for the past year. I’ve just been trying to make it through each day, waiting for the days and weeks to pass.
It is hard to explain, but I haven’t let myself really feel any emotions in the past few months; I’ve just felt numb inside. The last couple months have been really difficult, with everything that was going on over there (in Afghanistan with Phil). I couldn’t even allow myself to cry because it hurt too bad. I was just trying to put my head down and push through to the end of this, like the last leg of a race. Crying just hurt too much, and it hurt so bad to cry and know that when I stop crying, nothing is better. I haven’t blogged much since his leave because I couldn’t bring myself to face the emotions I’ve been feeling. I’ve missed Phil with every inch of my being since he left. The thing that has stuck with me the most is saying goodbye to him after his leave, knowing that I may never look into his eyes again.
I am so excited for what the future holds for us. I know this experience has made me a stronger person and has cemented our relationship. Phil and I have been together almost two years, and I still fall in love with him even more every day. He still makes me soooo happy. It’s that sort of fairytale love that I never knew existed before. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found my perfect mate. He is my best friend. He knows me so well and is patient and understands me like no one else does. He is strong and a protector and provider, but is loving and caring too. He’s just an amazing man, and I can’t wait to spend my life with him. The day he comes home will be the happiest day of my life. I get my true love back, and I cannot be more thankful.
I know this post is pretty generic, but I still am not ready to put the last few months into words. I think I’ll probably continue to blog when Phil comes home because a whole new chapter of our journey will be beginning.
Right now, I’m just feeling like a little kid waiting on Christmas. I am so excited to be with my honey again. <3
