Not So Happy Holidays

I haven’t felt much like blogging lately.

This holiday season was really rough.  I’m so glad I was home with my family.  Being home made it a little better, but it was still a sad time for me.  I miss Phil so much.  We started dating this time last year, so the memories of last year were always on my mind and I missed spending my winter break with him.  I just remember how happy I was with Phil last year. 

I spent a lot of time with my family and Phil’s family.  Being with my family is different, though, because no matter how hard they try to understand, I can’t help but feel like they just don’t.  It’s difficult.  It’s hard to be strong all the time, when so many days, I feel like I’m on the verge of tears every second.  I try to put it to the back of my mind, but some days it’s impossible.

New Years was the roughest day so far.  It was so sad to be without Phil and he’s been at an OP for the past week, so I hadn’t heard from him in a few days.  I went to a country concert at a bar with my mom and her friends for New Year’s Eve.  I did not have a good time, though.  I was sad and didn’t want to affect anyone else’s fun.  They just don’t understand how hard it is.  During the countdown, I went to the bathroom and cried.  I just couldn’t watch all those other couples kissing at midnight.  It was so sad and lonely.  On top of missing Phil because of New Years, I was sad because New Year’s day was our anniversary.  We’d been dating since December, but we officially got together on New Year’s day last year.  I miss Phil so much.  He makes me so happy. 

Christmas was, surprisingly, not too bad.  Phil called me Christmas morning and we talked for a while.  I opened my gifts from him while we were on the phone.  He’s so sweet.  He sent me some perfume, clothes from Express (my favorite store, and some clothes from Victoria’s Secret.  I love the gifts he sent me.  He’s always so thoughtful.  I spent Christmas morning with my family and went over to his parents’ house in the evening.  We had a good time, although it was bittersweet.  We were all really missing Phil.  I was especially sad when it started snowing that night.  We had the first white Christmas in a hundred years and Phil wasn’t here to see it.  L

Since Christmas, I’ve spent my days at the gym, mainly.  I’ve been going to the gym twice a day to try to get in shape.  Phil’s leave is going to be earlier than it was supposed to be. J He’s coming home at the end of January instead of in February because his brother is leaving for Navy boot camp at the beginning of February, and Phil didn’t want to miss seeing him.  One of the guys in Phil’s squad switched his leave dates with Phil.  That was really nice of him, and I hope he and his wife know how much we appreciate it. I thanked both of them on Facebook, and they said they are happy they could help. 

Phil is still at the OP, but he managed to text me on New Year’s eve from someone else’s phone.  That was sweet of him.  I haven’t heard from him since.  I just want to hear from him soon.  I miss him so much. 

I will be driving back to school at the end of the week.  I’m not ready.  I don’t want to go back at all.  I just don’t feel like doing anything, but I know it will help to see all my friends there.  Everyone is really supportive at school.  It helps a lot.  I just have to keep reminding myself that Phil will be back for leave in just a few weeks.   Everything will be ok.