Success!

School started this week, and it’s been a pretty good week, all in all.

Phil comes home in 11 days!!!  I AM SO EXCITED!!! I just cannot wait to put my arms around him again and feel his arms around me.  We’re planning on getting a cabin for a few days in the North Georgia mountains.  It’s just going to be the two of us for the first few days and then his family is going to come up for a night.  It’s going to be so nice to spend time with him alone, enjoying each other’s company.  I have missed him so much. 

I’ve been working so hard since he’s been gone.  I just wanted to make him proud and show him that I can be strong and not fall apart without him here.  He has enough to worry about there, so I need him to know that he does not need to worry about me too, that I can be the strong woman he needs.  When he left, I threw myself into school and into getting in shape.

 I finally got my grades back for last semester.  It was my best semester yet.  J  I would have liked to do better, but considering all the things I had to deal with this semester and how many classes I took (16 hours), I’m pretty proud of myself.  Saying goodbye to Phil was THE most difficult thing I’ve ever done.  It was heartbreaking to look into his eyes and kiss him goodbye, knowing that I may never have the chance to do that again.  It’s something that none of us like to think or talk about, but the reality is that when we say our goodbyes, we don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again.  After Phil left, I was an emotional wreck.  I felt like I was on the verge of tears, every second.  All I wanted to do was stay home and cry, but I couldn’t because of school.  I went to class every day and put on a happy face, even though, inside, I felt crippled.  I wanted to do well in school, though, so I bucked down and got it done.  I’m really proud of myself for that.   Additionally, I’m proud of my success with Operation: Get Hot.

When Phil left for training in August, I was the heaviest that I have been in about three years.  I gained 15 pounds the first semester of law school, so when we started dating I was feeling pretty disgusting.  That was about a year ago.  Since then, I have been battling, trying to get back to the weight that I was before law school.  I’d lose a few pounds during each semester, and then finals would come along, and I’d spend all my time studying, snacking, and not working out.  Each semester, during finals, I gained back the weight I’d lost.  Well, last semester, I broke that cycle.  When Phil left, I made the goal to lose 15- 20 pounds.  It was a huge battle for me because in September, I broke my arm and strained the ligaments in my wrist.  I couldn’t work out for almost two months.  However, in November, I got back to working out.  As of now, I have lost 14 pounds.  I started the SlimFast diet this week.  I hope I can lose a few more in the next 11 days.  I only have one pound to go to reach my pre-law school weight, but I’d like to lose a total of seven more.  The last ten pounds, vanity pounds, are supposedly the most difficult to lose, though.  Even if I don’t lose any more, I’m still proud of losing 14 pounds.  It doesn’t seem like much, but it was not easy.    I hope Phil thinks I’m HOTTT when he sees me. J

I only have 11 more days of waiting.  I hope it goes by quickly!  J 

Just A Dream

Yesterday I made the 8 hour drive back home and listened to the radio the entire time.  I broke down crying about four times during the trip because of the songs that played on the country music stations that I listen to.  Phil has been at an OP for a little over a week, and I haven’t heard from him since New Year’s.  I know he’s ok because some of the wives of the guys in his squad have spoken with their husbands. Their husbands have international cell phones, so they can call even when they’re up in the mountains at the OP.  It’s good to know he’s alright because it helps me not worry so much, but I still miss him like crazy and wonder whether he’s ok.  I try to be strong, but when I hear these songs on the radio about soldiers not coming home, I just break down.  The worst one is a Carrie Underwood song called, “Just A Dream.”

It’s the same song that made me break down on the way to school when Phil first left, and I hadn’t heard it again until yesterday.  I heard it again today too.  It starts out with a girl going to the church with her wedding dress on.  She’s got something borrowed, something blue, and then she puts her veil down.  That’s all fine and good; the listener thinks the girl is at the church for her wedding, but no.  The song goes on to say that [the groom] is never coming home, and then the trumpets from the military band begin to play and they hand her the folded flag.  She holds on to it because it’s all that she has left of him and what could have been.  Then the guns ring one last shot and it feels like a bullet in her heart.  The chorus of the song is heartbreaking.  It says, “Why’d you have to leave me?  Why’d you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I’ll never know.”  The song closes by saying, “Everybody’s saying he’s not coming home now.  This can’t be happening to me.  This is just a dream.” 

While it is a beautiful song, it is my WORST nightmare.  I’ve never made it through the whole song because by the beginning of the first chorus, I am sobbing.  I actually had to Google the lyrics to be able to actually write about the song here, and yes, reading them made me break down too.  It’s such a horribly sad reality for so many loved ones of the soldiers who never came home.  It’s heartbreaking. 

I’ve been so worried about Phil all week that this song was the last thing I need to hear.  I can’t even imagine being in that situation, and right now, I’d give anything to be able to see him and touch him again.  I’d give anything to look into his caring blue eyes, and to run my fingers through his short dark hair.  I’d give anything to feel his arms around me and to hear his joyful laugh.   There is not a moment that goes by in the day when I do not think of him.  Everything reminds me of him. Everywhere I go I see other couples together, laughing, hugging, and holding hands. It makes me so sad and lonely, and jealous, in a way.  I just wish they knew what a luxury it is to be with the one you love. 

Since Phil left, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.  I go to school. I study.  I run errands. I go to the gym.  Life goes on, even though Phil is away, and I still have to do these things, although many days I just want to lie in my bed and do nothing.  Even when I’m with friends and family, having a good time, it’s still not the best time because a part of me is still there, lonely, sad, and wishing Phil were here.  It’s hard to describe it, other than just going through the motions. 

I keep trying to cheer myself up by reminding myself that Phil will be home for leave in two weeks.  It doesn’t make it better now, though, because I haven’t heard from him in a week.  Once I hear from him, it will be ok again, but now, it just sucks. 

Since I only have two weeks left to prepare for Phil’s leave, I’ve decided to start doing the SlimFast diet.  It basically consists of two shakes/meal bars per day, one healthy meal (under 500 calories), and three healthy snacks.  It’s definitely going to be difficult, but I figure I can handle it for at least two weeks.  I really want to look beautiful for Phil when he comes home.   He’s never seen me this thin or in shape.  We started dating after my first semester of law school, and I was 15 pounds heavier than I was when I started law school.  I was feeling so fat and disgusting, but he still thought I was beautiful and sexy.  He made me feel so good about myself.  That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him.  He always makes me feel beautiful.  Anyways, I know that he’ll think I’m beautiful regardless, but I still want to be my best for him.  He deserves it.  He’s so good to me.

He was up at the OP on our anniversary, but he somehow managed to send me a dozen red roses and some chocolates.  His note made me cry.  It was so sweet.  I don’t know if he ordered the flowers before he left or if he ordered them while he was there, but either way, it was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.  He really does make me fall more and more in love with him every day.

I hope I hear from him soon.  I guess his squad got back from the OP today, but the phones and internet were down so I didn’t hear from him.  I’m so glad they’re back from the OP.  At least, I don’t have to worry about that for now.  I just wish I could hear his voice. 

Hopefully, I’ll hear from him tomorrow, and hopefully, these next two weeks will fly by.  We’ll be together again soon.   J

Not So Happy Holidays

I haven’t felt much like blogging lately.

This holiday season was really rough.  I’m so glad I was home with my family.  Being home made it a little better, but it was still a sad time for me.  I miss Phil so much.  We started dating this time last year, so the memories of last year were always on my mind and I missed spending my winter break with him.  I just remember how happy I was with Phil last year. 

I spent a lot of time with my family and Phil’s family.  Being with my family is different, though, because no matter how hard they try to understand, I can’t help but feel like they just don’t.  It’s difficult.  It’s hard to be strong all the time, when so many days, I feel like I’m on the verge of tears every second.  I try to put it to the back of my mind, but some days it’s impossible.

New Years was the roughest day so far.  It was so sad to be without Phil and he’s been at an OP for the past week, so I hadn’t heard from him in a few days.  I went to a country concert at a bar with my mom and her friends for New Year’s Eve.  I did not have a good time, though.  I was sad and didn’t want to affect anyone else’s fun.  They just don’t understand how hard it is.  During the countdown, I went to the bathroom and cried.  I just couldn’t watch all those other couples kissing at midnight.  It was so sad and lonely.  On top of missing Phil because of New Years, I was sad because New Year’s day was our anniversary.  We’d been dating since December, but we officially got together on New Year’s day last year.  I miss Phil so much.  He makes me so happy. 

Christmas was, surprisingly, not too bad.  Phil called me Christmas morning and we talked for a while.  I opened my gifts from him while we were on the phone.  He’s so sweet.  He sent me some perfume, clothes from Express (my favorite store, and some clothes from Victoria’s Secret.  I love the gifts he sent me.  He’s always so thoughtful.  I spent Christmas morning with my family and went over to his parents’ house in the evening.  We had a good time, although it was bittersweet.  We were all really missing Phil.  I was especially sad when it started snowing that night.  We had the first white Christmas in a hundred years and Phil wasn’t here to see it.  L

Since Christmas, I’ve spent my days at the gym, mainly.  I’ve been going to the gym twice a day to try to get in shape.  Phil’s leave is going to be earlier than it was supposed to be. J He’s coming home at the end of January instead of in February because his brother is leaving for Navy boot camp at the beginning of February, and Phil didn’t want to miss seeing him.  One of the guys in Phil’s squad switched his leave dates with Phil.  That was really nice of him, and I hope he and his wife know how much we appreciate it. I thanked both of them on Facebook, and they said they are happy they could help. 

Phil is still at the OP, but he managed to text me on New Year’s eve from someone else’s phone.  That was sweet of him.  I haven’t heard from him since.  I just want to hear from him soon.  I miss him so much. 

I will be driving back to school at the end of the week.  I’m not ready.  I don’t want to go back at all.  I just don’t feel like doing anything, but I know it will help to see all my friends there.  Everyone is really supportive at school.  It helps a lot.  I just have to keep reminding myself that Phil will be back for leave in just a few weeks.   Everything will be ok. 

 

The Break Begins (FINALLY!!!)

Today was the second day of my Christmas break.  It was a good day.

Phil called this morning, and we talked for about 45 minutes.  He seems to be doing well, and it was a great conversation.  We talked and laughed about all kinds of things and everything that’s been going on this week. 

On Tuesday afternoon, I took my last final.  Phil tried to call that morning before the exam, but for some reason, my stupid phone didn’t ring.  It didn’t even show the missed calls. It really upset me that I missed his calls.  He has never been one to talk on the phone much, so when he does call it’s a huge treat.  We did chat online that morning, but I was still disappointed that I missed his calls.  Him calling today was probably better, though,  because I was pretty busy Tuesday morning, getting ready for my exam and packing for winter break.   We definitely were able to talk much longer today than we would have been able to on Tuesday.

After my exam on Tuesday, I drove home to my mom’s house, to spend Christmas with my family.  It was a miserable eight hour drive.  Recently, the fan in my car stopped working, so the heat doesn’t work.  The low temperature on Tuesday night was 17 degrees.  Brrrrrrr…. Yesterday was really cold too, but it warmed up today, which I was very thankful for because I’ve had a million errands to run these last two days.

Yesterday, I went to Phil’s gym and talked to them about getting a membership for the month that I’m in town.  A one month membership is usually $65, but because they like Phil and me, they gave me the membership for $35.  Phil is so sweet.  He paid for my membership. It’s so cold here that I can’t go running outside, and I’m trying to lose weight, so working out through the holidays is imperative.   I worked out today.  J  It was ROUGH! I hadn’t worked out since Saturday because of my final, so my run was very difficult to complete today.  I made myself get through it, though.  Phil’s brother met me at the gym later and we did weights together.  Phil, his brother, and I used to work out together all the time, so it was nice working out with his brother again.  It motivates me more too, so I don’t slack off.  We’re going to work out tomorrow too. 

I’m going over to Phil’s parents’ tomorrow for dinner.  I went over there last night and helped his mom wrap Christmas gifts, but his dad wasn’t there.  He was stuck in traffic for over five hours last night because the weather was so bad.  Traffic in Atlanta is absolute chaos if there’s any kind of ice or snow on the ground.  There was 180 auto accidents yesterday evening during rush hour.  It will be nice to spend time with his family.  Sometimes it’s difficult to find time to spend time with my mom, my dad, and Phil’s family.  I love all of them and I love spending time with all of them, so I’m trying to figure it out. 

Something nice happened today. My mom’s friend called me to get Phil’s address.  A while ago, I made a wish list on Amazon of all the stuff Phil wants and needs and update it as he tells me what he needs.  I try to get as much of it as possible, but because I live on a limited budget and have no income, I obviously can’t send everything.  I e-mailed the list to my mom, and I guess my mom forwarded it to some of her friends.   Phil is running out of the hand and foot warmers that I sent when he first got to Afghanistan, so I mentioned it to my mom and added them to his Amazon list.  My mom’s friend ordered them for Phil today. I’m glad Phil will have the body warmers he needs, and it’s really touching that my mom’s friend cares enough to send them to him.  I know he’ll appreciate it. 

I think tomorrow will be a good day.  I’m going to mail some Popular Science Magazines to Phil. He asked for them a few months ago so I subscribed to the magazine then.  However, I just now started receiving them.  I received three months’ worth of magazines the other day.  It’s kind of more convenient for me to send them all at once, so I’m not really worried about it.  I’m going to mail a Christmas card with them. 

 When I was picking that card out the other day, I almost broke down crying in the middle of the store.  It was really sad, reading all of the Christmas cards, knowing that Phil won’t be here to celebrate.  At least,  I made it out to my car before I started crying.  I still hate crying.  It makes me feel so weak and once I start crying, I feel like I’ll never be able to stop.  Other than that breakdown and the disappointment about missing Phil’s phone calls, it’s been a pretty good week.   It’s been busy and exhausting, but the week has generally been good.  I’m still having trouble sleeping, but at least being around family and keeping busy has made the month go by fast.  Phil will be home less than two months from now!!! J 

Hopefully, tomorrow WILL be a good day, and hopefully, I’ll hear from Phil again. J

Operation: Get Hot **UPDATE**

It’s been an exhausting week.

I had two final exams this week, Federal Income Tax and Criminal Procedure.  Federal Income Tax was brutal.  Criminal Procedure was not so bad.  It was a little tricky, as law school exams go, but it wasn’t infuriatingly difficult.   The main thing about the Criminal Procedure exam that was difficult was the fact that it was my fourth exam, and by now I’m exhausted.  I’ve been studying almost non-stop for the past two weeks. 

Law school exams are unlike any other exams in that, not only do you need to know the rules and the policy behind the rules, but you also have to know how to apply the rules to a hypothetical fact pattern, discuss each argument and opposing argument, and come to a conclusion.  I’m completely exhausted by the time I leave each 3-4 hour exam.  Adding insult to injury, after each exam I have to go home and study for another exam.  There’s no break, no time to lose.  I’m so glad I only have one exam remaining, Professional Responsibility.  It’s on Tuesday, so I have three days to study.  I’m a little worried about it because I have not studied at all, but I’ll get it done.  I can last for three more days.  I have to.

  Because of my exam this morning, I didn’t talk to Phil today.

My exam started at 9 this morning, and Phil wasn’t able to get online to chat until 9:15.  Yesterday, when I talked to him, I let him know that I’d be in my exam this morning, so at least he knew why I couldn’t talk.  I sent him a message before the exam started too.   He sent me a really sweet message in response that I received after my exam.  It made me feel better that I missed him and it made me smile.  I love how he can make me this happy even when we’ve been so far apart for so long.  I really love him.  His message made my day a hundred percent better. 

 When I got home from my exam, I ate a Lean Cuisine :-/ and tried to take a nap.   I was up late studying last night and only got about five hours of sleep, so I was planning on sleeping for a few hours this afternoon.  That didn’t happen.  Since Phil left, no matter how exhausted I am, I cannot get to sleep.  I always end up lying in bed, thinking.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to sleep better after the semester is over because I’ll at least have a break from the stress of law school.  My long sleep ended up being a restless 30 minute nap.

After my little snooze, I was still exhausted, but I made myself get up and go to the gym because I didn’t work out yesterday.  I only planned on making myself run two miles, but I ended up running five miles.  That’s a HUGE accomplishment for me because a) I just started running again about a month ago, b) before today three miles is the most I’d ever run at one time, and c) I’m so freaking exhausted.  It was actually not that difficult. 

 Because of Operation: Get Hot, I set a new goal for myself this week.  My new goal is to run 20 miles a week.  So far, since Monday, I’ve run 14 miles.  That means, I only have to run three miles tomorrow and Sunday.  I hope my legs aren’t too sore to run tomorrow.  I’d really like to work up to running more and more.  My friend told me about a 15K that he and his girlfriend are doing next semester.  That’s almost 10 miles.  It’d be awesome if I was able to run that.  Hopefully I can spend a lot of time in the gym during break and work up to it.  I’d be so proud of myself.  Even though I’ve been running a lot, Operation: Get Hot seems to have stalled.

I’ve lost 13 pounds since Phil left in August, but the weight is getting more and more difficult to lose as I get smaller and smaller.  I only have about eight more pounds to lose, but it won’t budge.  I’ve been tracking my calories, cutting back on the carbs, and drinking more water.  I only eat about 1300 calories a day, and I’ve been wearing a calorie monitor that measures the amount of calories I burn each day (like they wear on Biggest Loser).  It’s really takes the guesswork out of losing weight because I know exactly how many calories I eat and how many I burn.  Losing weight is really just a numbers game.  However, I HAVE NOT LOST ANY MORE WEIGHT! It’s so frustrating, especially because cutting carbs SUCKS.  I’ve lost an inch in my waist since I officially began Operation: Get Hot, so I guess my hard work is paying off. It’s still frustrating that the scale does not reflect it too.  Oh well.  I’ll just continue watching my calories and working out.  Eventually, the scale will catch up.  Even if it doesn’t, I definitely look and feel better now.  I always have to set goals for myself and have something to work toward. 

I’m a slacker unless I have a goal or an objective to meet.  I need the motivation.  Also, I need the distraction from being sad or worrying about Phil.  Otherwise, I’d be a nervous wreck. I have to throw most of my energy into school or getting in shape so that I’m not so depressed.  I’m sure these self-imposed goals are a huge source of my stress/anxiety, but it’s better than being perpetually depressed and anxious for the next seven months.  I’m a little worried about the break though.  I’m not used to having much idle time, so I’m worried about not having enough to do. I plan on helping my mom with some stuff around the house, but I mainly plan on making the gym my full time job and starting to train for the 15K.  That’s what they do on Biggest Loser, so I don’t know why I can’t do it too, especially if I don’t have any other responsibilities.

I just have to make it through these next three days and my last exam.  Hopefully, I’ll hear from Phil tomorrow. 

The Days are Long...

Today, I’m officially halfway done with final exams.

Well, actually, I’m over halfway done with exams, but who’s counting.  J  I took Constitutional Law II and Evidence last week, and today I took the Federal Income Tax exam.

 OMG, the Federal Income Tax exam was BRUTAL!!!  It was only ten short answer questions and five multiple choice, but no one in the class finished in the three hours we had to take the exam.  It was exhausting.  Now, I have to study for my Criminal Procedure exam, which is in four days. After that exam, I’ll be studying for my Professional Responsibility exam, which is four days later.  Christmas break cannot come soon enough!!!

 I can’t even express in words how exhausted I am and how tired I am of studying.  I’m trying to make this my best semester because I want to show Phil that I can be strong and take care of myself, even though he’s not here.  Plus, I want to make him proud and make myself proud.  I want to prove to myself that I can overcome adversity and excel, even when circumstances say that I should crumble. 

One thing I’ve learned is that life isn’t always easy, and getting what you want comes at a price.  This has proven true so many times in my life.  Undergrad at FSU, I worked a full time job and went to school full time.  I worked at a doctor’s office to put myself through school and spent my nights and weekends studying, so I could keep my grades up. I could have gotten a full scholarship in my home state, but I couldn’t see myself anywhere else, so I did what I had to in order to make it happen.   Law school is the same way.  It’s A LOT of hard work, sleepless nights, and stress, but it will be worth it when I have the career that I want.  I look at this deployment the same way.

I love Phil with all my heart and I know I want to be with him.  This deployment SUCKS every single day, but when I have him back and we continue our life together, all the tears, loneliness, anxiety, and everything else will be worth it.   

Phil and I talked for a few minutes this morning via Facebook.  I was relieved to hear from him when I did because I hadn’t heard from him since 4:30 yesterday morning.  I was afraid he’d message me while I was in my exam and I’d miss him.  That would have made me sad. Additionally, if I hadn’t heard from him when I did, I’d be worried about it during my entire exam.  He actually messaged me as I was walking into my classroom to take the exam, so it was perfect timing.  It was nice to talk to him.  He’s always so sweet to me. J 

Hopefully, I’ll hear from him again tomorrow. J

A Difficult Week

So, I’ve been neglecting my blog lately but not by choice.  I have been soooo busy!

Basically, the past week I’ve just been trying to not have a breakdown.  That’s what law school does.  It’s like this cycle where we start off the semester ok, with minimal stress, and then as the semester progresses, the stress level increases and increases.  By the time final exams come around, the stress level is almost at its maximum, so the few weeks of finals are spent trying to hold off a nervous breakdown. It’s like being chased by something and we just have to run fast enough to keep out of its grasp until we make it to safety.  Then we have immediate relief until the next semester starts and the cycle starts all over again. 

My first final was on Tuesday morning and my second final was this afternoon.  I have been studying almost non-stop for the past five or six days.  My brain feels like mush right now.  In fact, this blog post will probably be some of my worst writing ever.  I’m definitely taking the night off from studying and will resume tomorrow for my next final on Monday.  This week has been particularly stressful because today was the first time I’d heard from Phil in six days.

Last Wednesday, I talked to Phil on Facebook and he told me that I probably wouldn’t be hearing from him for about a week because he was going to an outpost where there are no phones.  I didn’t hear from him on Thanksgiving, but on Friday he tested a picture of himself from his buddy’s phone. He said that he probably wouldn’t be using the phone anymore, though, because it is really expensive to send texts from there.  It was nice to see a picture of him though.  It’s the first one that he’s sent since he left.  I didn’t hear from him again until today.  It helped to know to know that he was just in an area where he couldn’t contact me, but I was obviously still worried about him.  As the days went on, my anxiety kept going up.  It’s the longest that I’ve ever gone without talking to him.  It was horrible. I definitely cried myself to sleep a few nights.  He called today, though.  J

It was such a good conversation.  Just hearing his voice makes everything ok.  He seems to be doing well and I could tell he was happy to talk to me too.  We talked about what we want to do during his R & R and we talked about everything that we’ve done since we last talked.

Thanksgiving was last week and I spent it back home with my family.  I’m glad I was there because if I’d have been at my apartment alone,  I know I’d have been a thousand times more anxious about not hearing from Phil for so long.  Thanksgiving was bittersweet, though. It was really nice to spend time with my family and Phil’s family, but it was sad to spend the holiday without Phil. 

On Thanksgiving, I went to Phil’s parent’s house after I’d eaten Thanksgiving dinner with my family. His parents were there by themselves. His brother and his brother’s fiancé were spending Thanksgiving with his fiancé’s family, so Phil’s parents were just spending the holiday alone.  It was sad.  I know they were sad that Phil was not there to celebrate the holiday and that he was out there not being able to celebrate, sleeping in the cold, and generally being in such a crappy situation.  It really makes us not feel like celebrating anything.  It’s hard to celebrate when half your heart is in Afghanistan.  I’m glad I went over there on Thanksgiving because when I got there, they were just watching TV alone with all the lights off in the house.  I could tell they were sad.  I brought his dad some cupcakes that I made for his birthday, and they seemed to cheer up when I got there. We sat and talked for a while.  When Phil’s brother and his brother’s fiancé got home, we all went upstairs to the computer and his dad showed us a bunch of videos on YouTube.   

I went over there the following evening for dinner too.  His dad is an awesome chef and he made a feast of roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and a bunch of other things.  It was delicious!  I think I ate my weight in food, though.   It was kind of a Thanksgiving feast.  Phil bought his dad a Yanni dvd for his birthday, so his dad made us all watch the entire thing after dinner.  Phil’s brother and I protested but he said to blame it on Phil.  HAHA! I told Phil about it when I talked to him today and he laughed.  He was glad his dad liked the gift, though.  It was really nice to spend time with Phil’s family.  It was nice to spend time with my family too.

Both of my brothers were in town for a few days so the whole family was there for Thanksgiving.   One of my younger brothers lives in Boston, getting his master’s degree in mechanical engineering at MIT.  He got his bachelor’s degree there too, so he hasn’t been in town much since he moved up there about five years ago.  My other brother goes to UGA, so I see him more often.  It was just nice to hang out with my entire family.  I’m excited to see them again at Christmas.  

While I was up there, I spent a lot of time with my mom too.  She baked about a million cookies, and we bought a vacuum sealer and sent them to Phil and his buddies.  I hope they are ok.  We laughed because the vacuum sealer smashed them.  At least they’ll be fresh.  HAHA!  My mom was great.  She knew that I needed to study, so she baked all of them by herself.  I helped package them up, but she baked all of them.  It was really nice of her. I know it must have been exhausting.  Those cookies definitely derailed my diet, though.

I definitely ate way more that I should have last week.  It’s always so difficult to stick to my diet when I’m home.  I’m not used to having so much delicious food around, so when I’m home it’s bad news.  I ran about 6 miles last week, but I was still almost positive that I’d gained at least a few pounds by the time I got back.  To my surprise, I didn’t gain a pound.  I’m still working on Operation: Get Hot, but right not the objective has changed.  Now, it’s Operation: Don’t Gain A Million Pounds During Finals.  I ran a little over three miles last night, and I still haven’t gained any weight.  I hope I can at least lose a few pounds by the time I go home for Christmas.  I’ll probably go running again tonight too.  It really helps with my anxiety. 

Although it’s been a difficult week, everything is ok again.  I have made it through two finals and only have three to go.  Plus, I heard from Phil today. J Hopefully I’ll hear from him again tomorrow.